How?
bikhre bikhre se khvaab hain
khoii khoii sii hain aashaayen
saye me raat ke godhulii hai
din pe chaayii hain niraashaayen
This year has not been a good year...understatement! yes...I have quit doing things what I used to enjoy as I was not getting enough time to enjoy them...another reason for quitting was the feeling that I was not good at those and I was not improving....so I turned all my energy and time to something that I used to think I'm good at it...Though I know that I have always considered myself an average performer in that as well but people used to believe (and I guess they still believe) that I'm good at that...As more and more time is passing my averageness is coming face to face every now and then...and that's frustrating me...A feeling is sinking in that whether I'm good at anything or not...sometimes I think that I just don't want to d it anymore, I just need to break the shackles...but I guess I don't the courage to break those shackles and it is throwing me deeper into the dark....evrytime I hear myself saying to myself that I have to come out of it...I don't have to let tihis darkness loom large on myself...but the very next thing I ask myself...how?....and I don't find an answer....Once one of my very good friends told me that I don't know what makes me happy...and I guess she was right...now how do I find that what makes me happy? There are some things that I still enjoy but at the end of the day there is no satisfaction....nothing seems bright....everything is either black or gray...I know I'm the only one who can help myself...but how?..............
posted by Arvind at 7:02 PM
2 Comments:
I just have a feeling that you are trying very hard and expecting too much out of yourself.
I was confused about happiness too. I always thought it can be found in something big. Satisfaction can be attained only after being happy. But, I don't think its connected that way. You can be satisfied without being happy..and you can be happy without being satisfied.
I just learned the value of small things in my life. Maybe everything.
After ofcourse liberating myself of the shackles. As you must have heard 'you can't be free until you have lost everything'.
I missed out on so much for running after things I thought would give me happiness. It was like a web I had created about my life, about the various things I thought I wanted and made them the sole objects of my happiness and satisfaction.
I should apologise for commenting obscurely on your blog...but I couldn't help but notice and I had to say....
:)
happiness evades you - well i guess thats because u are jinxed-no wait i am jinxed - hehe.. not trying to belittle the serious tone but just trying to see things in a bright light - dude, u gotta pursue the things that you enjoy -you neednt be the best in it - all u need is to immerse yourself in it and forget everything, everyone and be with yourself. proving u are the best is a game you could play to push yourself sometimes, but me dont see no point in such frivolities - like someone said
" My problem is I analyse life, instead of living it"
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