Scotch...Cigarettes...Dreams...Hopes and life....

Scotch
----------------
old is gold
simply rocks whole world
red black blue

Cigarettes
------------------
packed dreams
destined to be ash
1 through 20

Dreams
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born in darkness
to be realized in daylight
give reasons to live

hopes
----------------
it's dark everywhere
light at the very end of it
justify reasons to live

life
----------------
a complex journey
walks past all dreams
only hopes survive

reality vs dream....it's just a perception :)

she asked me "why do you think that love is not for real?"
I said "The thing or person whose whole existence depends on unreal things or people cannot be for real..."
she said "hmmmm...and what?"
I said "let me tell you a not so real story...."

I was at her desk and she said "you know what?"
I said "you've put in your papers!!!"...I smiled thinking I cracked the same old joke...but I was in for a surprise....
she said "yeah...but that's not the interesting thing.."
I said "well...then what's the interesting part?"
she said "you know...I got my promotion letter while typing my resignation letter..."
I asked "but you were looking forward to it for a long time?"
she said "yes...I were...I were...but you know what?"
I said "now what?"
she said "sometimes you've to go with your heart..."
I thought "ask me!!!"
she continued "and my heart said that I should just go ahead with my resignation....and...I went ahead with my heart"
I thought "I wish...I could've done that!!!"
I asked "Are you for real?"
she said "no...I'm not...I'm a dream" and she winked....
she asked "I'm going for a coffee...wanna join"...I said "hmm...no...you go ahead...I'll catch the dream sometime later i'f I can!!!"

I said "I think reality is just a perception...don't you?"
she said "yeah...you're right....but you know what?" she winked and said "I'm in love with my perception!!!" and I thought...it's just a dream!!!

Zindagii...

ye aaj ik khvaab hai kal khvaab kii taabiir hai
zindagii tavaayaF nahii.n ye kaabil-e-taaziim hai

naa isko kissi se rashq hai naa kissi se ishq hai
bevafaa hargiz nahii.n ye vafaa kii tamsiil hai

kabuul zamaane kii Thokar ise har ilzaam kabuul hai
kabhii buJhatii nahii.n ye vo saadiq qandiil hai

naa Ghalib kii Ghazal hai naa hii nazm-e-miir hai
kehlaatii zindagii hai lekin ye cheez benaziir hai

{taabiir - interpretation,
taaziim - respect,
tamsiil - example,
saadiq - faithful,
qandiil - lantern,
benaziir - matchless}

Kaash...

har dil me pyaar ho har dil kaa dilnavaaz ho
har koii giit liKhe har koii fankaar ho

naa kissi ko Gilaa ho naa kissi kii haar ho
patJhaD bhii laGe jaise mausam-e-bahaar ho

mehFil-e-zindagii me har Chehraa aaFtaab ho
a.NDheraa bhii Chaahe roshnii kaa diidaar ho

naa ho koii tanhaa humsafar sabke saath ho
dard-e-miir kaa "aashiq" Ghalib kaa aasaar ho

humko Khaamosh vo har baat lautaa do...

vo Khvaabo.n bharii raat lautaa do
muJhko meraa har jazbaat lautaa do

naa huaa koii anjaam hii kahaanii kaa
muJhko tum bus shuruuaat lautaa do

sonaa chaa.Ndii jawaahraat sab le lo
muJhko logo.n miraa Nashaat lautaa do

thii.n sunii jo tune bhii muskuraa kar
humko Khaamosh vo har baat lautaa do

"aashiq" koii bhii baais nah puuchegaa
gar miraa arsah-e-hayaat lautaa do

{nashaat - Enthusiam, happiness, joy
baais - reason
arsah-e-hayaat - lifetime}

How?

bikhre bikhre se khvaab hain
khoii khoii sii hain aashaayen
saye me raat ke godhulii hai
din pe chaayii hain niraashaayen

This year has not been a good year...understatement! yes...I have quit doing things what I used to enjoy as I was not getting enough time to enjoy them...another reason for quitting was the feeling that I was not good at those and I was not improving....so I turned all my energy and time to something that I used to think I'm good at it...Though I know that I have always considered myself an average performer in that as well but people used to believe (and I guess they still believe) that I'm good at that...As more and more time is passing my averageness is coming face to face every now and then...and that's frustrating me...A feeling is sinking in that whether I'm good at anything or not...sometimes I think that I just don't want to d it anymore, I just need to break the shackles...but I guess I don't the courage to break those shackles and it is throwing me deeper into the dark....evrytime I hear myself saying to myself that I have to come out of it...I don't have to let tihis darkness loom large on myself...but the very next thing I ask myself...how?....and I don't find an answer....Once one of my very good friends told me that I don't know what makes me happy...and I guess she was right...now how do I find that what makes me happy? There are some things that I still enjoy but at the end of the day there is no satisfaction....nothing seems bright....everything is either black or gray...I know I'm the only one who can help myself...but how?..............

In Process....

Calmness in my behavior and expressions is one of the many traits that I don't possess. My friends and those who know me well have mastered the art of dealing with my not so calm self. I feel that as I'm growing older it is silently sneaking in, but still it is one art that I have to master. To look calm and more importantly to be calm. In past I have lost the handle for so many wrong reasons and even if I was right on occasions it still doesn't seem to be appropriate to loose the cool. You are getting old buddy, this is what I hear whenever I talk like this with my old buddies. Does it come via process of maturing or it is something that you have in it you always? As I have seen people lot younger to me behaving in a very calm (or mature) way to a sitiuation where I would have jumped the gun from the word go....so it doesn't seem to be age only...so I wonder where did I miss it...If I look at my childhood I was an hyper-expressive, hyper-active kid...In my teenage I was the same...in my early twenties it was again the same story...its only now that the hyper part of it is gone but expressive and active is still there, where active is good but not expressive.
Now I enjoy it more when I'm calm and serene...and its no surprise that I'm more likeable in that way (to me and to others)...but still there are times when I can't control it...and those are the times that make me feel bad afterwords....though the number of those time have gone down quite a bit...but still its there....but I'm sure I'll take over those times as well....and I'm positive about it....no aggression here just a calm promise to myself to make myself a better person.